7L2

7L2. My new year seven tutor group that I get to look after. Contrary to what I thought about the year 7’s, most of them were really small and kind of sweet actually. I didn’t meet one that I thought was going to be a handful in the near future. They were all really nice, especially the tutor I looked after, and I was nice to them. And get this, the boys in the tutor that I spoke to were really nice and sweet, not like the (excuse me) dicks in my year. I just wanted to go down to their level, look them in the eye and tell them not to change, not to turn into the dicks we have in Year 10. And surprise surprise, who did I meet once I started walking home? One of the dicks that just proved my point with everything that he said.

So all in all, my tutor group are really nice, I helped them find their lockers, helped them put everything into their log books, got Connor his gum shield and calculator, took James to the nurse for his blood testey thing, and took them to their one and only lesson. And that’s were it went wrong, I had a group of people that I took to Tech, I went into the Quad, into the main block, then into he tech block and then into the next Tech block where I dropped off the girl in my group. Then I looked around the corner with the three boys, and T9 wasn’t there. So I asked my friend Sophie and she just laughed at me and said, ‘Katie it’s back in the Quad’. Oh my God, I was so embarrassed. I had to take the boys all the way back to where we’d just come from. The nice thing was though they were really nice about it and didn’t mind at all, one of them just spoke to me about getting a cycle permit. They didn’t take the mick or mind at all which was really sweet.

So, just thought I’d tell you about my little tutor group, who are very nice and sweet. 7L2.

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The Future

No storytime Tuesday this week, there hasn’t been storytime Tuesday for a while, but that is just because I am a rubbish human. So no storytime, but a thought, something that just came over me.

I’m 14. My whole life I have been asked the question ‘What do you want to be when you’re older?’, so many times, by so many people. Even at the age of 10, you give serious thought to what you want to be, what you want to do. At 5, you draw pictures of ‘When I’m older’. My whole life has been based on thinking about the future. From the moment I started school I was told I needed to do well, so I could get a good job, have a nice house, provide for my family and then what? Die? There always seems to be something else that I need to do. Admittedly, my parents do say ‘as long as your happy’, but they still want me to do well at school. For my GCSE’s I am predicted A’s and A*’s, I’ve worked hard, I’ve thought about what I want to do, what I want to be, my future. My whole life has been based on the future. I planned, thought about the consequences of things, behaved, tried never to get into trouble, did as I was told, thought before I acted, all because of what effect it would have on the future. The thing is now, now my brains confused, it’s telling me so many different things. I want to do well in my GCSE’s, I want to have a good future, but I’m tired of thinking of the future, I’m tired of trying hard so I get good GCSE’s so I can get a good job and so on. I just want everything to stop for a minute. I know I need to revise, to do more work than what just keeps me where I am and what I need to do, but I don’t want to anymore. I want to do something new everyday, something that surprises me, something risky. Because at the rate I’m going, I’m going to revise, work, revise, plan, think, revise and before I know it, I’ll be leaving school, and going into the world of work and my childhood will be over. I want to go out with my friends all the time, I want to have parties, just because they’re fun, I want to do whatever I want and not think about the consequences. But am I just being selfish? Probably. I mean so many people have it harder than me, my ancestors for one. I know we have to work to succeed, but really, all we’re doing is dying. We don’t know whats going to happen after we die and whether we’re earning £100,000 a year or £10,000 a year it’s not going to matter once we’re dead. When I’m old, what would I rather say to my grandchildren? ‘Oh yes, I earnt a lot of money and got this nice house’ or ‘I travelled the world, worked in so many different places, volunteered, helped people’? I think the latter, I’d rather have the stories than the money, but then, you need money to have the stories. You need money to travel the world, you need money for everything these days. Even if you just volunteered in England for the rest of your life, well you wouldn’t be able to do that because then you’d have no money to live on. This post is jumping here there and everywhere and I’m sorry, I just need to get this all out.

I’ve tried, behaved, thought, planned and everything. But now, when it matters, when I actually need to start thinking about what I want to do and to try harder than I ever have, I don’t want to anymore. I’m fed up. Fed up of the future. Most teenagers like sleep because well, they’re teenagers, but me, I like sleep because I don’t have to think about anything, or do anything, I can’t do anything wrong when I sleep.

At first, I thought I wanted to be a teacher, then it was a barrister, then a lawyer. Well I didn’t know out or barrister and lawyer, all I knew was that I wanted to work in law, but now I’m questioning that. You have to try so hard to work in law, get amazing grades and be very ‘good’. Then my brothers best friends step-dad said something on Sunday that really made me think. He said ‘If you’re a lawyer, would you be able to defend guilty people, try to win your case so that they can walk free and someone else who hasn’t done anything wrong gets put in jail?’. This really made me think, I don’t think I’d be able to do that actually, or want to. I spoke to my mum about it and her word were ‘you can’t let what one person says make you change your mind about your whole career’, now to me that sounds pretty reasonable but what he said really hit me. It’s actually really true and something I really need to consider, but as I said before, I don’t want to, I’m sick of considering things and planning. It’s future, future, future! What happens when there isn’t a future, huh? But you know what I’ve realised, I’m going to be planning for or thinking about the future until I die, and to be honest, that really scares me.

My mum also said I could be a lawyer for the state or something, where I prosecute guilty people or whatever. But I DON’T KNOW! What I’d actually really love to do is party plan. I’d love to be an events planner, it would be so much fun and from the person I am I think I’d love it. Then again I’d like to do a lot of things, to really live, not just survive. I’m so confused. But events planning doesn’t pay much and isn’t secure. Would I be able to deal with it? I don’t know. See what I mean? I need to think and have a plan, but at the moment, I just can’t, I just want to enjoy my childhood and do anything, just have fun, do whatever I want, whenever I want, but I don’t have that choice. If I don’t do well, I’m vulnerable and stepping into the unknown, which scares me, but maybe I should. Or should I just go with law, try as hard as I can and I succeed and then don’t enjoy it go to party planning with the choice for law still there if everything goes wrong? But then I’m going to spend what I have left of my childhood revising. URGH! I’m going to stop all of this now because I’m just confusing myself so much and just urgh! I don’t know what to do! Any ideas? Is it just me that’s thinking like this or do other people as well?
Jesus, I’m such a selfish person, but hardly anyone who reads this actually knows me anyway so….yeah, but I’m sorry. I’m just a mess at the moment, my whole life, and it’s not even just this. urgh. But maybe I’m just over reacting, I do that a lot, my family have been calling me a drama queen for as long as I can remember.

And calm Katie, I’m sorry I’ve just ranted on forever but that’s another thing I do, I rant and go on and on forever. Right, I’m going to go and have a shower and try to calm myself down a bit while life races around at 100 miles/hr. And if you’re wondering what brought this all on, you can blame it on the film ‘Elevator Girl’ which was just on. Sometimes certain things just trigger a whirlwind of emotions or thoughts or just anything. Or I just get really depressed… but no one needs to hear any of that 😀 they have enough to deal with. I have so many emotions and urgh, SHUT UP KATIE!

Have a nice rest of Tuesday everyone.
xx

FIRE!

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I didn’t actually mean to do it, it was an accident, I swear to you, but no one will believe me, I mean its my word against, well that picture. So I just thought I’d write my last blog before I go away for a while, I don’t think they have computers in juvenile detention centres, well I don’t know really, I guess I’ll see tomorrow, won’t I? So my last post…

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No. Now go to a mirror and say ‘you absolute idiot.’. If any of you thought that I’d burnt my school down and then taken a picture
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And if you thought I would be spending my last day of freedom writing a post on my blog and not spending it with my family and friends then… No that’s just mean, shut up Katie.
😀 So yes, my school didn’t burn down, nothing that dramatic, but the fire alarm did go off though, and it wasn’t a drill, but with a twist. 😉
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OMG I should do that! On Tuesday’s my post should be storytime! Anyone who’s out there, yes or no to storytime Tuesdays?
ANYWAY, back to Storytime 😀
It was a sunny Monday afternoon (I so should have written this yesterday instead of that crappy book post…) and I was in English doing something about slang? I think. Oh well that’s not important – YES, SO…
I was sitting in English, doing my work (well kind of…) and then, IT HIT ME.
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No again. What is wrong with you today? 😉 No the smell hit me, like when you suddenly understand why your brother had a sly grin on his face. Yes, it was bad. So I turned to ‘me little bud Nathan’
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(Yes, I did just take the mick that he’s ginger, clever person 😉 but it’s okay cos he takes the mick out of himself anyway, but just to say I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST GINGER PEOPLE! some of the closest people to me are ginger)
Yes, so, where was I, ah yes! I turned to Nathan and this is how the conversation went:
Me: “Can you smell smoke? Like smokers smoke? Like you know what smokers smell like?”
Nathan: “yeah, my brother smokes”
Me: “Yeah well I can smell smokers smoke!”
You can probably guess what happened next (but don’t or it will ruin it!). The fire alarm went off. Before I carry on with the story though, I think I should tell you a tinsey bit about this fire alarm. It is the quietest most calm thing in the world. The first time it ever went off when I was at the school, everyone stood up silently like zombies and started to walk out the room, and there was me, packing up because I thought it was the end of the lesson. Yes, weird school, their fire alarm sounds like my old change over lessons bell and their change over lessons bell sounds like my old fire alarm…I’m not even going to go into what happened the first time I heard the change over lessons bell.

Yes, so the fire alarm went off, everyone got up and left using the back door to go to the MUGA (Multi Use Games Area, not person who steals from you, yes, I did think that too to start with, don’t worry). Now me and Nathan were walking silently together for about, ooh, 10 seconds, then we burst out laughing.
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(^Click on it please :D)
We burst out laughing, not only because of how funny the coincidence that it went off straight after I’d said that was but also because Alex has walked into a very visible bin bless him. Mostly the fact that the fire alarm went off straight after I’d said that though. We laughed all the way to the MUGA, and all the way back. I guess there’s only two things left to say though, the first one being that the school thought it was a dodgey alarm but it was actually my next door neighbour holding his lighter up to the fire alarm in the library. And the final thing to say, that no story can end without…And they all lived retardedly ever after. The end.