Death.

So I haven’t posted in a while…yeah sorry but…that’s the kind of person I am. Rude isn’t it?

So I’ve just spent the day with Mia, had a lovely time, came home, helped my granddad with his new laptop, got stressed. So I have to make this short as I’m going back to country land today but it’s just something, a quick thought.

My summer holidays have been amazing so far. Had a lovely day today. Then I logged onto facebook and saw that my friend, well I don’t know him that that well but his dad, had died yesterday. I don’t know why but it really got to me and made me think. I mean, my next door neighbour Jack’s mum died around this time a year ago, well just before the summer holidays and now George’s dad this summer holidays. It’s unfair at anytime that people die, get their life taken away from them too early. It’s hard at any time but the summer holidays, I mean, come ON.

I don’t know if I’ll go through with this but I plan to do as much as I can this summer holidays and have as much fun as possible because, well, death comes too early for so many people. It’s just not fair. But that’s life. There’s nothing I can do about it. So I’m going to enjoy the best time of my year as much as I can, do whatever I want and just…well not survive, live. Live in the moment, do what I want, have fun and just be me because there will never be another me and in 100 years, no one will remember me, so it doesn’t matter anyways.

So yeah…kind of sad, kind of happy post.
Enjoy your summer everyone.
And LIVE. Don’t just survive.

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Confuzzled me.

Two posts today?! WHATTTTT? :O
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Yes, yes, I know, don’t like it? Don’t read it. Wait, I’m sorry that was mean, please read it because I need to explain myself. now you just sound like a beg you idiot! SHUT UP!

Yeah so sorry and blah de blah bla. But I have pushed all that stupid emotion stuff that was in my head out and come to a conclusion.

I am a confused little shit.

And I am always going to be. There is no point spending forever writing something emotional when you could spend that hour having fun or fixing your problem. I am just messed up because…well, read this…
Sometimes I’m like…
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And other times I’m really emotional and angry/upset. And other times I’m just really deep. I don’t know why, it confuses me. But generally, I’m a really happy person so that’s good. I just have, urm… ‘Katie moments’ Don’t think it helps that I try and take on everyone else’s problems for them and fix them or help that person. I mean for example one of my friends cuts herself and is very depressed but I can’t seem to help her and she won’t, well can’t talk to me properly about it. But I’m so used to being able to sort out problems quite quickly and then that emotion is gone that I think, this is going to sound weird but I think this is effecting me. I’m getting frustrated that I can’t fix it.

So yeah, I think I take on other people’s emotions, whether I’m helping them or trying to or just they’re around me. It’s weird. I’m weird.

So hopefully that explains why an intentionally deepish and perfectly logical post (The Future) when kinda emotional…
So I’m sorry. Maybe I shall do a post on myself next…then you can understand me a bit more and learn to just completely ignore me sometimes or just deal with me.

Yeah, sorry for the second post but I felt like you needed an explination…yeah. So that’s it, you can do something else now. 😀

The Future

No storytime Tuesday this week, there hasn’t been storytime Tuesday for a while, but that is just because I am a rubbish human. So no storytime, but a thought, something that just came over me.

I’m 14. My whole life I have been asked the question ‘What do you want to be when you’re older?’, so many times, by so many people. Even at the age of 10, you give serious thought to what you want to be, what you want to do. At 5, you draw pictures of ‘When I’m older’. My whole life has been based on thinking about the future. From the moment I started school I was told I needed to do well, so I could get a good job, have a nice house, provide for my family and then what? Die? There always seems to be something else that I need to do. Admittedly, my parents do say ‘as long as your happy’, but they still want me to do well at school. For my GCSE’s I am predicted A’s and A*’s, I’ve worked hard, I’ve thought about what I want to do, what I want to be, my future. My whole life has been based on the future. I planned, thought about the consequences of things, behaved, tried never to get into trouble, did as I was told, thought before I acted, all because of what effect it would have on the future. The thing is now, now my brains confused, it’s telling me so many different things. I want to do well in my GCSE’s, I want to have a good future, but I’m tired of thinking of the future, I’m tired of trying hard so I get good GCSE’s so I can get a good job and so on. I just want everything to stop for a minute. I know I need to revise, to do more work than what just keeps me where I am and what I need to do, but I don’t want to anymore. I want to do something new everyday, something that surprises me, something risky. Because at the rate I’m going, I’m going to revise, work, revise, plan, think, revise and before I know it, I’ll be leaving school, and going into the world of work and my childhood will be over. I want to go out with my friends all the time, I want to have parties, just because they’re fun, I want to do whatever I want and not think about the consequences. But am I just being selfish? Probably. I mean so many people have it harder than me, my ancestors for one. I know we have to work to succeed, but really, all we’re doing is dying. We don’t know whats going to happen after we die and whether we’re earning £100,000 a year or £10,000 a year it’s not going to matter once we’re dead. When I’m old, what would I rather say to my grandchildren? ‘Oh yes, I earnt a lot of money and got this nice house’ or ‘I travelled the world, worked in so many different places, volunteered, helped people’? I think the latter, I’d rather have the stories than the money, but then, you need money to have the stories. You need money to travel the world, you need money for everything these days. Even if you just volunteered in England for the rest of your life, well you wouldn’t be able to do that because then you’d have no money to live on. This post is jumping here there and everywhere and I’m sorry, I just need to get this all out.

I’ve tried, behaved, thought, planned and everything. But now, when it matters, when I actually need to start thinking about what I want to do and to try harder than I ever have, I don’t want to anymore. I’m fed up. Fed up of the future. Most teenagers like sleep because well, they’re teenagers, but me, I like sleep because I don’t have to think about anything, or do anything, I can’t do anything wrong when I sleep.

At first, I thought I wanted to be a teacher, then it was a barrister, then a lawyer. Well I didn’t know out or barrister and lawyer, all I knew was that I wanted to work in law, but now I’m questioning that. You have to try so hard to work in law, get amazing grades and be very ‘good’. Then my brothers best friends step-dad said something on Sunday that really made me think. He said ‘If you’re a lawyer, would you be able to defend guilty people, try to win your case so that they can walk free and someone else who hasn’t done anything wrong gets put in jail?’. This really made me think, I don’t think I’d be able to do that actually, or want to. I spoke to my mum about it and her word were ‘you can’t let what one person says make you change your mind about your whole career’, now to me that sounds pretty reasonable but what he said really hit me. It’s actually really true and something I really need to consider, but as I said before, I don’t want to, I’m sick of considering things and planning. It’s future, future, future! What happens when there isn’t a future, huh? But you know what I’ve realised, I’m going to be planning for or thinking about the future until I die, and to be honest, that really scares me.

My mum also said I could be a lawyer for the state or something, where I prosecute guilty people or whatever. But I DON’T KNOW! What I’d actually really love to do is party plan. I’d love to be an events planner, it would be so much fun and from the person I am I think I’d love it. Then again I’d like to do a lot of things, to really live, not just survive. I’m so confused. But events planning doesn’t pay much and isn’t secure. Would I be able to deal with it? I don’t know. See what I mean? I need to think and have a plan, but at the moment, I just can’t, I just want to enjoy my childhood and do anything, just have fun, do whatever I want, whenever I want, but I don’t have that choice. If I don’t do well, I’m vulnerable and stepping into the unknown, which scares me, but maybe I should. Or should I just go with law, try as hard as I can and I succeed and then don’t enjoy it go to party planning with the choice for law still there if everything goes wrong? But then I’m going to spend what I have left of my childhood revising. URGH! I’m going to stop all of this now because I’m just confusing myself so much and just urgh! I don’t know what to do! Any ideas? Is it just me that’s thinking like this or do other people as well?
Jesus, I’m such a selfish person, but hardly anyone who reads this actually knows me anyway so….yeah, but I’m sorry. I’m just a mess at the moment, my whole life, and it’s not even just this. urgh. But maybe I’m just over reacting, I do that a lot, my family have been calling me a drama queen for as long as I can remember.

And calm Katie, I’m sorry I’ve just ranted on forever but that’s another thing I do, I rant and go on and on forever. Right, I’m going to go and have a shower and try to calm myself down a bit while life races around at 100 miles/hr. And if you’re wondering what brought this all on, you can blame it on the film ‘Elevator Girl’ which was just on. Sometimes certain things just trigger a whirlwind of emotions or thoughts or just anything. Or I just get really depressed… but no one needs to hear any of that 😀 they have enough to deal with. I have so many emotions and urgh, SHUT UP KATIE!

Have a nice rest of Tuesday everyone.
xx

HOLIDAYS!

IT’S HALF TERM!
So I’m thinking as it’s half term, and sunny outside I may be forgiven for not doing a storytime Tuesday this week (please?) and that I may also be forgiven for not posting….I have no excuse other than homework and that stupid thing called ‘life’ taking up too much of my time. So…..yeah, I’m sorry. Oh yeah, and sorry to Mia (ya know, South London Mia?) for not posting about MY AMAZING WEEKEND! But to make it up to her, I shall write about my weekend and some other shit in this post….YAY (and boo for all those of you that don’t like reading a lot.)

Now, cast your minds back to Friday the…urm….*check calender* 17th May 2013 (yeah I know, a long time, but I did apologise!) and that is where our story begins…
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(why a weird bear thing Katie? SHUT UP! IT SAYS MYSTICAL!)
You know what, I’m not an old Granny sitting in a rocking chair with a blanket talking to children…I’m just going to say what happened.

Friday 17th May
TRAVELLED BACK TO THE HOMETOWN!
Was supposed to go to Mia’s to sleep – she was too tired so stayed at Nan and Grandads – Nan and Grandad were happy, Katie was glad to see them.
Brother couldn’t sleep on the blow up bed downstairs so had to give him my bed and go and sleep on the blow up one.

Saturday 18th May
Mum and brother (the one that had stolen my bed!) came down at like 6:30 and started making TEA! I mean come on! They woke me up by being loud; grunted at everyone that came downstairs then progressed to growling.
Waited till 7:30 then go up, washed my hair, got dressed and went to Mia’s (late as usual…)
GOT TO MIAS! *waits for Mia to be ready*
TRAIN STATION! and that’s when everything starts…
Mia’s mum had given her a credit card that didn’t work…so me and Mia had to go all the way back to Mia’s to get the other one (only like 5, 10 minutes away but YA KNOW) When we had to right one we went back, cue hugs cos I haven’t seen some of these people in like 9 months :O
Finally we were all together, we got our tickets (luckily I got mine after Mia because she only got her recipt and forgot the actual ticket so I gave hers to her, idiot.) and went to the platform.
TRAIN!
Got to London Bridge, cue BIG PROBLEM.
Sophie (the smart one with the plan) put her ticket in the barrier to get through the barrier things at London Bridge but it swollowed her ticket which she still needed :O So we asked the man why and said we needed it and as it turned out…we’d all got the wrong ticket! But by this time more of us had gone through; the man was really kind though and gave us our tickets back and told us where to go to change them into travel cards, so we thanked him and bounded over. The lady that was going to change our tickets wasn’t that impressed though, she couldnt believe that all of us had made the same mistake…well I mean it is us…we are teenagers. Anyway we changed our tickets and got through! *yay* all except Joanitah who had thought her ticket was changed when it really wasn’t. So in the end we made her pay for a travel card and then we were on our way 😀
Turned out we couldn’t get to Oxford Circus from London Bridge…so we went to Bond Street Station (still on Oxford Sreet) On the way though, Hannah had started to fell really ill so when we got to Oxford Street the first thing we had to do was find her a bathroom.
It turned out that the nearest one was in Selfridges…yes the very famous, very exxpensive posh shop! We had no choice though, so we went into Selfridges trying not to be too stunned. As soon as we got in the door, Mia turned to me and said ‘Ever get the feeling you don’t fit in?’ and I just nodded, it was so true, I’d ben thinking the exact same thing.
Well so I’ll quickly skip over the next bit…went to the toilets, Hannah was sick…(yes! in Selfridges!) then we went to find her some green tea.
Went to the other end of Oxford Street, got Hannah some green tea, had some McDonnals/KFC, I had an ice cream, yay 😀
Hannah was still feeling sick though so in the end she went home on the bus, yes, from London, on her own! Yes, we may be mean, but we needed to shop and she insisted.
Sophie and Laurel stayed with her until the bus came but we went off, see I found out that no one except Sophie likes Laurel, so yeah…
WE SHOPPED!
Met Sophie and Laurel, they got bored, well Laurel got bored and they went off.
WE SHOPPED SOME MORE!
Then we thought, we’ve done enough and this is too big, we didn’t know where everything was, so we went to McDonnals to get a drink and then called Laurel and Sophie to meet up with us.
Then more trouble…Laurel kept answering Sophie’s phone and would’t let us speak to Sophie, she was quite abrupt and mean and then she was really mean to Elda and swore at her, I mean, nuh uh!
So we went home (they’d said we could before the mean-ness) without them.
GOT HOME!
Shopped some more on the high street back where we lived, well..sadness…where they live and I lived 😦
Then Mia got her eyebrows done! OMG it was so funny, but the woman cut her! :O I’ll have to put the pictures up on my next post if Mia wil let me…(she won’t :()
Yeah, then we shopped, found Miaa new hair colour and then said goodbye because me and Mia were late, so we went back to Mia’s and showed her mum what we’d got 😀
Then we went to the co-op and then my dad picked me up and took me back to my nans as I had a party to go to.

PHEW! Long post! So that was my Saturday with all my old friends, I shall write about the party and Sunday in another post for anyone that wants to read it. This one is already very long though so, take a break, have a cuppa tea and a biccy and I shall write the rest for you 😀

Yes you may kill me…

Sorry, sorry, sorry sorry and sorry. Now yes you may kill me, I give you full permision, however it’s not really my fault… yeah yeah yeah excuses excuses!
Well I haven’t done my storytime so maybe I’ll make my excuse into a story, yes I’ll do that 😀 SO…STORYTIME!
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Once apon a time, there was a girl named Katie yay me, I’m in a story 😀 and she had a very nice laptop, however being the clumsy person she was, this laptop went through a lot…
Firstly, (a while back) she placed it in her car boot for the trip back to her hometown, maybe not in exactly the right position – although she blames the fact that it moved during the car journey. So while she was in the hairdressers with her brothers on the high street near where she used to live, her mother went out to the car to get her purse out the boot and well, lets just say…
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Katie’s laptop fell onto the road and SMASHED! Well not fully smashed, it just had a few dents in it on the outside but luckily, it still worked! So Katie was alright, until…
DUN DUN DUN! Katie was putting her laptop down one day and it ‘fell’ out of her hand and onto the floor :O Now you would think that it would be okay, it’s fallen on a road! It’s like super computer! Oh no…this time it fell onto the cable while the cable was still in the laptop. Now Katie was so scared that her laptop’s luck would have run out, but thankfully it didn’t…Well not until a few weeks after anyway.
One day, Katie was trying to charge her laptop and it wouldn’t charge so she looked inside the hole that the charger plugs into and she could tell something was wrong, out of place. Katie wanted to get it fixed, but she couldn’t until her mum went to ‘the Lab’ at work the next week, so all she could do was wait. Now that is the story of why Katie hasn’t been posting for a while, she broke her laptop because she is a very clumsy person. The moral of the story?
DONT DROP YOUR LAPTOP!

Yes, so now that you’ve heard my story, you may kill me if you think that is needed but I would advise against it…
Now sleep well little ones and I shall write about something more interesting another day, but now I have to go because I am watching The Vampire Diaries and I have a maths exam tomorrow. Night Night 😀

FIRE!

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I didn’t actually mean to do it, it was an accident, I swear to you, but no one will believe me, I mean its my word against, well that picture. So I just thought I’d write my last blog before I go away for a while, I don’t think they have computers in juvenile detention centres, well I don’t know really, I guess I’ll see tomorrow, won’t I? So my last post…

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No. Now go to a mirror and say ‘you absolute idiot.’. If any of you thought that I’d burnt my school down and then taken a picture
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And if you thought I would be spending my last day of freedom writing a post on my blog and not spending it with my family and friends then… No that’s just mean, shut up Katie.
😀 So yes, my school didn’t burn down, nothing that dramatic, but the fire alarm did go off though, and it wasn’t a drill, but with a twist. 😉
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OMG I should do that! On Tuesday’s my post should be storytime! Anyone who’s out there, yes or no to storytime Tuesdays?
ANYWAY, back to Storytime 😀
It was a sunny Monday afternoon (I so should have written this yesterday instead of that crappy book post…) and I was in English doing something about slang? I think. Oh well that’s not important – YES, SO…
I was sitting in English, doing my work (well kind of…) and then, IT HIT ME.
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No again. What is wrong with you today? 😉 No the smell hit me, like when you suddenly understand why your brother had a sly grin on his face. Yes, it was bad. So I turned to ‘me little bud Nathan’
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(Yes, I did just take the mick that he’s ginger, clever person 😉 but it’s okay cos he takes the mick out of himself anyway, but just to say I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST GINGER PEOPLE! some of the closest people to me are ginger)
Yes, so, where was I, ah yes! I turned to Nathan and this is how the conversation went:
Me: “Can you smell smoke? Like smokers smoke? Like you know what smokers smell like?”
Nathan: “yeah, my brother smokes”
Me: “Yeah well I can smell smokers smoke!”
You can probably guess what happened next (but don’t or it will ruin it!). The fire alarm went off. Before I carry on with the story though, I think I should tell you a tinsey bit about this fire alarm. It is the quietest most calm thing in the world. The first time it ever went off when I was at the school, everyone stood up silently like zombies and started to walk out the room, and there was me, packing up because I thought it was the end of the lesson. Yes, weird school, their fire alarm sounds like my old change over lessons bell and their change over lessons bell sounds like my old fire alarm…I’m not even going to go into what happened the first time I heard the change over lessons bell.

Yes, so the fire alarm went off, everyone got up and left using the back door to go to the MUGA (Multi Use Games Area, not person who steals from you, yes, I did think that too to start with, don’t worry). Now me and Nathan were walking silently together for about, ooh, 10 seconds, then we burst out laughing.
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(^Click on it please :D)
We burst out laughing, not only because of how funny the coincidence that it went off straight after I’d said that was but also because Alex has walked into a very visible bin bless him. Mostly the fact that the fire alarm went off straight after I’d said that though. We laughed all the way to the MUGA, and all the way back. I guess there’s only two things left to say though, the first one being that the school thought it was a dodgey alarm but it was actually my next door neighbour holding his lighter up to the fire alarm in the library. And the final thing to say, that no story can end without…And they all lived retardedly ever after. The end.

Another thing that will fail….

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Now I know what you’re thinking – ‘OMG, what has happened to your life Katie, wtf is that?’ (well you might not be but, I’ll just carry on like you were) well yeah, I was thinking that too when I purchased this little book on Sunday in Waterstones. Now to be honest, I only went into Waterstones to look for a seemingly much more interesting book for my brothers, don’t remember what it was called, something to do with bums? but yeah, that failed. They didn’t have the book so I brought myself one 😀 Geek Girl? Anyway, yes, so I was in the process of buying ‘Geek Girl’ when I saw a whole stack of ‘classics’ for quite cheap I must say. Usually I would take one look at them and go…
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I mean, no offence, I mean classics are educationally brilliant but I think they would just be sooooooooo boring to read! Anyway, as I said, I would usually completely ignore them or give them an evil stare but then all the people in the shop think I’m weird…. but this time I looked at them and thought ‘If I don’t do at least some of my targets for this term my tutor is going to personally kill me after my failure between November and March..’ Now lying to her would be so much easier than trying but last time I tried that my parents butted in and said ‘I don’t remember you doing that Katie, wait, you never did’ and then I had three pairs of eyes all staring at me disapprovingly and I just got the same targets again…so that didn’t work. So to cut it short..ish, before you get bored… (and if it’s too late, I’m sorry)I have to read a classic, so I picked the shortest one I could find and paid for it. Now so far, I have read the blurb and I am already confused….
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like, I mean, what is this?!?! I am going to attempt to read it though, that will probably fail as if I read the first page of a book and don’t like it I loose interest…but I WILL TRY 😀 I mean

TO SUCCEED YOU MUST ACTUALLY TRY

Right, well I shall tell you how it goes, but for now, I suppose I’m going to have to go and read…Now go and eat some chocolate my little ones, because you deserve it after reading that shit hole of a post 😀 xx